Don't you just hate being involved in something that really isn't any of your business? And the person asks for advice that you really aren't qualified to give? Well, I do! I hate being involved in other people's problems. I don't like feeling stuck in the middle.

Unfortunately, my mother saw fit to involve me in a very large issue between her and my father. I'm angry at my father for putting my mother through all the things he is and for not appreciating that he has a wonderful wife who would do just about anything for him. And I'm mad at my mother for putting me in the middle of a situation again and for asking me what to do when I'm most assuredly too young to have any idea.

I'm only 25. When it comes to serious relationship issues, I've been through my share I suppose, I just haven't been through any of the kinds of issues that are going on between my parents who have been married for over 30 years. I have absolutely no clue how to deal with any issue that pops up in a relationship that's been going on that long and with all the things that come with shared lives. My longest relationship has been with DBF (may it continue 'til death do us part) and we don't have kids (or even a dog), shared bank accounts, a house, any of that. How in the world am I supposed to know what you should do in any situation that involves being in a relationship longer than I've even been alive?!

And I just lost so much respect for my father in one 30 minute conversation with my mother today. I always knew in a sort of off handed way that my father was selfish and rather immature, but hearing the things my mother told me today has just ruined the image I had of my father. This is the man who was my hero as a child. My dad knew everything, he was always right, I just knew it. Slowly over the years as I grew up and became an adult, not just in years but maturity, I started to see more and more ways that my father was more of a child than I was.

I can even begin to describe the disappointment I feel. I wonder now if parents feel the same sense of shame that we felt as kids when our parents used that dreaded phrase, "I'm so disappointed in you." Would saying that have any effect on the choices he's made and the ones that he's likely to have to make soon? Would it upset him to know that his own daughter feels so disappointed in him at the moment that she wouldn't even be able to look at him?

My mother wanted my sister to come home this weekend from college and I feel bad about not going down to see her and for leaving her to deal with whatever happens but I just couldn't pretend I didn't know what was going on. I also doubt I could be nice to my father at this particular moment. I don't know that I could be around him all day without confronting him. And as my mother told me all of the things that she told me in confidence I can't really go blurting things out to my father without causing more trouble.

Apparently, my parents are going about life as usual though. They went out to see a movie tonight and my sister says they're acting normal. I know that it can't be easy for my mother because I know just how hard she's taking all of this. I know that I couldn't do it. She's a very strong woman, my mother, but eventually my father is going to go that last little bit too far and she'll break. I'm not sure he'd really know what to do without her. After all, when you've been with someone for more that half of your life, how can you truly understand what your life would be completely devoid of their company?

I really hope everyone's day was better that my family's. Sorry for the extremely long post but I feel a little better now.