I'm so incredibly overwhelmed. My marriage is falling apart and I have a baby that will be here in a few months. I just feel like my whole world is falling to pieces. This is so not how I pictured my life unfolding. Even a couple of months ago I would have never seen my life turning into this huge mess.
DH is suffering from severe depression and PTSD from his deployment in Afghanistan a few years ago and it's affected our marriage slowly over the past year, since his return from Qatar. About a month and a half ago I decided that it would be best if I moved out and stayed with my parents. And a month ago today he told me that in the time we were separated he'd cheated on me. I don't even know this man. The man I married would have NEVER cheated on me.
I still love him and I'm hoping that we can eventually work things out but he's just letting everything else going on with him get in the way of our marriage. He can't seem to separate his feelings about our marriage out of the tangle of emotions about all of the other things going on in his life right now. On his good days he seems almost like himself again and he seems at least a little more optimistic about how our marriage will go, but on his bad days it seems like he's just ready to give up because he doesn't think things will work out at all. And of course through all of this he feels the need to tell me how he feels about it and that makes it extremely hard for me to know what to think or feel about how this will work out.
And then let's not forget about the fact that I'm a little over 5 months pregnant. I have to consider the fact that I may be raising my kid on my own. I never even thought there was a chance of that happening and I don't know what to do. It's not what I wanted from life. I trusted him enough to want us to have kids together and actually get pregnant on purpose and now I feel as if I can't trust him at all. I can't even trust him to be emotionally stable from one hour to the next and I have to have a child with him now.
I really don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can survive him leaving me and having to raise a child on my own. I know that people do it all the time but I'm not people. I need my partner back and I have no way of knowing if he'll even want to be my partner tomorrow at this point. He keeps saying he wants to work things out but his fatalistic attitude toward it makes me wonder. And every time he tells me how scared of his own feelings about me and our marriage it makes me feel worse and worse about our chances of making it.
How do people do this? How do people make it through this kind of stuff? How do people work through marriage problems this bad and make it out the other side with their marriages intact? How did this end up being my life? How did I get here?
